They grow too fast :(

This will be a short one because we have had a busy week - but then again - who doesn't.  Ours consisted of two very LONG appointments and tests at Vanderbilt Children's.  Ethan is home now and doing better.  so we are starting to get into the route again.

I have learned the hard way... a  toddlers routine.  Any variation of that routing can make for a potential melt down.  I hate to admit it I have to remind myself that I AM THE ADULT here, but you are trying to communicate with a little boy who doesn't talk, and doesn't walk so in his eyes he can't his point expressed.

I was going through their outgrown baby clothes and it made me a little sad. I have to remember that with each age there exist a little ray of sunshine waiting to come out.  Will finally showing me where his ear is and hugging my when i pick him up out of the crib.

This is  what I prayed for... Children whatever package they appear.

 

 

How The Miracle Began

 

 

 

       Haven't posted in a while time flies with twins, at the end of the day I can't believe how time disappears. I wanted to post some pictures of my beautiful boys and my husband and of course the impatient side of me didn't feel like searching my computer for the best pictures.

 

     The first picture (from the bottom to top) are my miracle boys as embryos OUTSIDE MY BODY!! I still think the entire thing is just so surreal.  I thank God everyday that the God given knowledge was given to these doctors and embryologists to create life to those who cannot. Simply I had breast cancer and I was 38..... children weren't going to happen for us without huge intervention.

    

     My husband has mixed feelings about the embryo picture, he feels that the boys will feel "weird or abnormal" because pictures like this exist.  I feel the complete opposite I believe that the boys will realize the incredible lengths that we went to have children.

 

     While I was looking for a final picture to post of my boys I found that it was actually very painful to look at the pictures of them in the NICU.  I was an NICU nurse for 10 years before I had them so the risk of them being in the NICU didnt faze me. I thought I have seen it all - I can do this- BUT DUH it is not the same when you are looking at your OWN child in that radiant warmer or the little pexiglass box.  It is amazing to me now that the boys are almost 14 months old- that painful memories still resurface.

         

    Getting discharged without my babies.  I saw all the other Moms at Baptist Hospital with their pink, plump, perfect little bundles. Sitting in their wheelchairs with carts and carts of flowers, toys and balloons. I on the other hand was loaded unceremonously empty armed into my parents car with no babies and no husband (he had returned to work) no, flowers, no balloons....nothing but the robe I had on.  I cried the entire way home, I hated leaving them there but I knew deep down that is where my babies needed to be. My Mom's poor attempt to console me was " Julie , they don't even know that you are not there."  NICE. So I guess no wonder I have trouble talking about it now.

 

     Lets end this on a positive ....I need to get out of that hole that I continue to fall in.  Why is it that I keep falling in that stupid hole.  My Husband Bill always attempts to shake me out  my funk...he says things like "If you find yourself buried in shit try to float" or another personal favorite " If you a served a shit sandwhich put some mayo (or whatever your favorite condiment on it) on it and eat it.

 

Gotta Love my Bill....That is why he is the best :)

 

 

    



Introduction to me

I thought I would start my blog sharing a little about myself.  I have always wanted to blog but to be honest I just never knew how to do it.  But why blog??  I feel that I have had many life experiences that I hope can help many other women.  I have been married to a wonderful man in the Army and our ENTIRE dating and marriage has been long distance ( he has either been deployed or  stationed out of state) Not really by choice it is just the way it has works out.

We married later in life I was 38 and he was 37.  Our marriage is a strong one but it was missing one big thing... children. Children that I dreamt about and have wanted for years but I was just waiting for the right guy to come along.  We started the dreaded infertility torture soon after we were married, an absolutely dreadful process but we were blessed with a set of twins 14 months ago.

I have had many experiences over the years I feel that they are too much for one person...but i am not in charge of what I am dealt...I just have to deal with.  I hope that I will meet other women through my blog 

I plan to talk about what ever seems to strike me at the moment.

Things that come to mind now at this late hour are long distance marriage, military life, Infertility, the IVF process, mom of multiples, having a twin with dwarfism and finally I love sharing my knowledge of Achondroplasia dwarfism through research and experience. I also have a strange interest in evaluating toys for my boys... their value, durability, interest and playability.

Just an intro.. I hope too meet other moms and hear from you too and meet some friends a log the way.

Good night