How The Miracle Began

 

 

 

       Haven't posted in a while time flies with twins, at the end of the day I can't believe how time disappears. I wanted to post some pictures of my beautiful boys and my husband and of course the impatient side of me didn't feel like searching my computer for the best pictures.

 

     The first picture (from the bottom to top) are my miracle boys as embryos OUTSIDE MY BODY!! I still think the entire thing is just so surreal.  I thank God everyday that the God given knowledge was given to these doctors and embryologists to create life to those who cannot. Simply I had breast cancer and I was 38..... children weren't going to happen for us without huge intervention.

    

     My husband has mixed feelings about the embryo picture, he feels that the boys will feel "weird or abnormal" because pictures like this exist.  I feel the complete opposite I believe that the boys will realize the incredible lengths that we went to have children.

 

     While I was looking for a final picture to post of my boys I found that it was actually very painful to look at the pictures of them in the NICU.  I was an NICU nurse for 10 years before I had them so the risk of them being in the NICU didnt faze me. I thought I have seen it all - I can do this- BUT DUH it is not the same when you are looking at your OWN child in that radiant warmer or the little pexiglass box.  It is amazing to me now that the boys are almost 14 months old- that painful memories still resurface.

         

    Getting discharged without my babies.  I saw all the other Moms at Baptist Hospital with their pink, plump, perfect little bundles. Sitting in their wheelchairs with carts and carts of flowers, toys and balloons. I on the other hand was loaded unceremonously empty armed into my parents car with no babies and no husband (he had returned to work) no, flowers, no balloons....nothing but the robe I had on.  I cried the entire way home, I hated leaving them there but I knew deep down that is where my babies needed to be. My Mom's poor attempt to console me was " Julie , they don't even know that you are not there."  NICE. So I guess no wonder I have trouble talking about it now.

 

     Lets end this on a positive ....I need to get out of that hole that I continue to fall in.  Why is it that I keep falling in that stupid hole.  My Husband Bill always attempts to shake me out  my funk...he says things like "If you find yourself buried in shit try to float" or another personal favorite " If you a served a shit sandwhich put some mayo (or whatever your favorite condiment on it) on it and eat it.

 

Gotta Love my Bill....That is why he is the best :)